Calm Down Folks!

OK dammit, calm down! Lil Wayne is in fact expected to sell somewhere between 700k-850k copies of his latest release, The Carter IV. At that pace, he's sure to outsell Ye and Jay's Watch The Throne. So let's briefly put this in perspective before the nation's jegging-wearing, young Weezy-ites crown him king.

Exhibit A: How may records did MC Hammer sell when he was at his hottest? A shit load. How many records did Ice Cube (solo) sell at his hottest? not nearly as big of a shit load as MC Hammer. Who's better?

Exhibit B (I'm gonna use pictures for this one, in case any Weezy-ites are reading this and I'm moving too fast for you/there's too many words on the screen for your brain to digest at once):


We all know McDonald's will never be as good as Le Bernardin, but the reality is more people eat at McD's. Why? Because it's cheap, it's fast, and it's always accessible. It's the culinary equivalent of a whore. OK, yeah yeah yeah, i hear you Weezy-ites- "But Jay and Kanye are always talkin' about NUMBERS- "men lie, women lie, numbers dont"- remember that?!!". Sure do- and I'm sure as Jay polishes his gold baby dinosaur egg-encrusted Hublot, he recalls saying something to that effect as well. And IF Wayne does win this sales race, it won't be the first loss Jay has taken (see 'Ether'), although the other one was at the hands of a much more worthy opponent. Side note- let's see if Wayne can go Gold in a week at 42 years old.

Don't get me wrong- I'm not a Jigga Warrior, and i actually like Weezy. But, much like the hour after you consume a big mac, if you digest The Carter IV you will feel sluggish and empty afterwards. Meanwhile I'm still digesting the wordplay on Jay's verse on Welcome to the Jungle, where he reincarnates himself as MJ, Pimp C, B.I.G, and Weezy even ("My tears is tatted / My rag in my pocket"). Watch the Throne is made with free range, cage-free Whole Foods ingredients; intended for consumption by the well-informed. Carter IV is... well, it's junk food. And while i prefer home cooked meals, every now and then, even i like to eat McDonald's fries. The choice is yours.

Food for thought, you do the dishes...

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